Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
