can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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