I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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