Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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