I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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