Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
