she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
