instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
