He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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