It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
