what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
