If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
