If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
