Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
