what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
