the condom got lost in my hair
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
