I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
