So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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