yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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