I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
