I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
