i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
are you so shy because you have an std?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
