He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
