oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do herpes really smell.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
