I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
