dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You work out of a Hotel?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
