cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
