I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
