Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So vagazzling was a success
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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