Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
