Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
