YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
