ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
