the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
