super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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