Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
