I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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