U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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