We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
its liver damage thursday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
