Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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