im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
