so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
