id be glad to
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
