I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
