Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
