The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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