Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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