My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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