I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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