that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
