I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
