People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
